i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
