he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
