Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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