you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
