we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
