I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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