Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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