worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
