Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
