It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
