I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
