I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize