I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
