I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
