When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
