"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize