i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he puts the penis in happiness.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
