oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
