It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
