Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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