margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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