Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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