all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
