Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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