her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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