I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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