i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
