fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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