I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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