then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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