It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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