I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
