His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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