Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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