Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
