my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
