Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize