honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
