Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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