It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
