we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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