On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't turn off my feet"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
