i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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