i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
