Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
