Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
