everyone is single if you try hard enough
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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