I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
