Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
