I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
