i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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