Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
