Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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