I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
