Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
