I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Someone signed my nipple.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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