Nicole vs. Life
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
