You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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