Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize