That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
