Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
