Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
