You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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