i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
