Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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