If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
