also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
