If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
