oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize