it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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