so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
