"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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