It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I want her autograph on my taint
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
