you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
