We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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