Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
