my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
