I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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