I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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