So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
