wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
try to milk me bitch
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
