You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
