Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize