Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
