I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
