P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
